


Nothing Else

by athlone



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-18
Updated: 2015-03-18
Packaged: 2018-03-18 11:59:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3568811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/athlone/pseuds/athlone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's mid March and it's been a few weeks since Aaron told Robert it was over. Aaron’s been running. Robert has noticed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nothing Else

Robert had seen Aaron running, almost constantly. You couldn’t miss him, as far as Robert could make out he was running day and night. He'd been concerned. Of course he'd been concerned. How could he not be? This was Aaron, who had more of an effect on him than anyone he had ever met.

It seemed from her ‘warning’ to him that Chas was also concerned that Aaron might actually be self harming again by all that running. At least that was what she had implied. He thought of ringing him several times, or even just texting him, but it was Aaron that had said it was over. Aaron wouldn’t care that he was concerned. It would only make him angry. What was the point? The point was he cared.

 

Aaron was running again that morning. Robert saw him on his way out of the village but still couldn’t approach. It would not be welcome and the last thing he wanted to do was to upset him anymore. If only he could speak to him. No, it was for the best.

 

Another boring meeting over and Robert is driving home. He can’t wait to get back. He’ll have the place to himself for an hour or so. Time to think. Think about where his life is taking him. The last few miles. Isn’t that him again in the distance? Robert can’t turn the car around now. Still running, or what is he doing now?

Suddenly Aaron is right there, running in front. Should he stop? Before he can even decide, Aaron has run out in front of him. Robert sounds the horn but Aaron, plugged in, ignores him, or did he deliberately run in front of him? He clearly wasn’t trying to get knocked down. Maybe playing some stupid game. Robert obviously misses him but stops as quickly as he can and gets out, not even turning the engine off, furiously running back. “What the hell do you think you are playing at? Are you deliberately trying to get yourself killed?”

“Leave me alone.”

Robert grabs Aaron’s shoulders with both hands

“Aaron, listen to me”

“I said leave me alone”

“No. I won’t let you do this to yourself.”

“What’s it got to do with you?”

“Because I care Aaron.”

“It’s too late. You made your choice”

“Look, let’s just talk and see if we can sort this out.”

“Sort this out? Sort this out? I’m not a bloody business.”

“No Aaron you’re not but we can sort it out and this isn’t the way.”

“Go to hell.”

“If you want to take it out on someone, take it out on me and stop taking it out on yourself”

Aaron starts to pull away. Robert grabs him roughly to try to keep him there. Suddenly Aaron turns and hits him in the face, catching his eye.

“This is what happened with Jackson. Isn’t it?”

“You don’t know anything about me.”

“Aaron, I know more than you think. I know you can’t go on hurting yourself.”

Aaron glares at the man who has caused him so much pain.

“Go on then” says Robert “If it makes you feel better, hit me. That is your answer to everything isn’t it? Think with your fists. Do it if you want but what’s it going to solve Aaron?”

Aaron says nothing. He really has lost control. He knocks Robert to the ground. Robert does not offer any resistance.

“Go on Aaron, I won’t fight you.”

Robert is on his back. Aaron straddles him but Robert stretches his hands out by his side to offer no resistance. Aaron hits him again, and again, and again. Robert is badly hurt but still won’t resist. Aaron stands up and just looks at him. Robert crawls to the side of the road then turns, barely sitting, he puts one hand up palm outward. Aaron still stands looking at him. Neither of them says anything.

Aaron is crying and Robert not far from it.

Aaron turns and runs. He runs on and keeps running. It’s all happened again. He keeps running. He hit Jackson and went to court. He keeps running. Jackson’s dead. He keeps running.

 

Robert stays where he is, as he watches Aaron disappear out of view. Should he go after him? Can he even get into the car? He’s bleeding and every bit of him aches. He is literally spitting blood.

 

Aaron keeps running. He loved Robert and now he’s hurt him. He keeps running. Jackson eventually gave him another chance when he hit him but Robert won’t. He keeps running.

 

Robert just about drags himself to the car and falls in. So what happened now? Call the police? It’s a serious assault. Of course not. Aaron will end up back in prison. He doesn’t want that. What does he want?

 

Aaron keeps running. He doesn’t need Robert. He doesn’t need anyone. He keeps running. Robert was different. Well he thought he was but he should of known. He keeps running. It was never going to work. He keeps running. Robert never promised him anything. He keeps running.

 

Robert just sits in his car. The engine is still running. He hadn’t turned it off. He has to go. Should he go after him? No, that will make it worse. How has it got to this? Aaron loves him and he’s gone and driven him to this. What kind of man am I?

 

Aaron keeps running. Why did he even tell him he loved him. He keeps running. He told him because it was true. He keeps running. Robert said it was only sex. He keeps running. That’s all I am. He keeps running.

 

Robert starts to move off. He’ll go back home and clean up before anyone gets back. He’ll have to think of something. Got into a stupid argument with a stranger. His own fault really. Nothing to worry about.

 

Aaron keeps running. What’s the point? He keeps running. The miles pass. He keeps running. Just sex. He keeps running. That’s all he’s worth. He keeps running.

Black.

 

Robert is almost home.

 

Lawrence is on his way back. Nearly there. These country lanes, got to take care, bloody locals flying around in tractors as if they own the place.

Bang.

Lawrence is stunned for a moment. Something happened. He’s hit someone. He clambers out. Someone is lying there.

“Oh my God are you alright?” he crouches down at the apparently lifeless figure “Don’t move I’ll get help” he pulls out his phone and dials 999, quickly giving the details.

Satisfied help is on the way, Lawrence bends down and gently takes earphone out of the man’s ears.

“Hello, Can you hear me?”

“Yea”

  

Robert gets home. No cars. They are all out. Chrissie has taken Lachlan away but Lawrence will be back soon. Got to get cleaned up.

 

“Oh its young Aaron isn’t it?” Lawrence is shocked but tries to stay calm “Don’t worry Aaron it’s all going to be ok. Just stay still there.” Lawrence takes off his jacket and covers the bleeding lad lying front of his car. “I’m so sorry I didn’t see you.”

“I’m okay. I’ll get up”.

“No. No. Don’t move. Just keep talking to me” Lawrence thinks he has to keep him awake. “Out for a bit of run were you?”

“Yea”

“These country roads, so much easier than the city aren’t they?”

Aaron doesn’t respond.

“Will I ring the pub to tell your mother? Is the number in your phone? I can get it out of your pocket if you want.”

“No, leave me. Don’t tell anyone.”

“Ok ok but the ambulance will be here in a moment, they’ll get you to hospital in no time.”

“I’m not going to any hospital.”

“Right, well we’ll just let them check you out anyway. Please Aaron, just lie still for a couple more minutes. Are you sure you wouldn’t like me to reassure your mother now, I mean before someone else tells her.”

“She’ll just say it’s my fault.”

“Of course she won’t.”

Lawrence's continued efforts are saved by an unmistakable sound in the distance. "That’s lucky I think I can hear the ambulance now”

In fact it’s the police who arrive and quickly tell Lawrence to move his car to the side whilst they take a statement. Another officer crouches over Aaron, again telling him not to move.

The ambulance comes after what seems ages and takes Aaron to hospital. Lawrence explains what happened and gives what details he can about Aaron, adding that he go straight to the lad’s home and inform his mother. The police say they’ll be doing that anyway.

 

Lawrence does go straight to pub. He wants to get there first. Chas is behind the bar. He nervously walks up to her. “Look, don’t panic but there’s been a bit of an accident and Aaron’s been taken to hospital”.

“What do you mean don’t panic, what accident, what’s happened.”

“Well he sort of ran into me. Erm, I’ll drive you to the hospital now”

Chas declines but screams at Victoria “Aaron’s in hospital, will you come with me now?”

They run out, Victoria still in her whites. As Victoria insists on driving Chas keeps repeating. “That bloody running, I knew something like this would happen.”

“Look we don’t know anything yet” says Victoria, trying to negotiate the country lanes as fast as she can, at the same time trying to keep Chas calm, “that Lawrence didn’t seem to think it was too serious.”

“Well he wouldn’t would he. It’s his bloody fault”.

 

They arrive at the hospital and quickly find out what's happened. Relived that it appears Aaron is not seriously hurt, Chas is soon furious that it appears he is going to discharge himself and is only waiting until someone comes and takes him home. He won’t change his mind. The doctor says it’s up to him but he’d be better off spending a night there where they can keep an eye on him.

Chas knows it no use arguing anymore. Aaron signs the papers he’s given, abruptly assures the doctor that he understands what he’s doing, and then the three of them are out of the hospital and on their way back home.

 

Lawrence arrives back at Home Farm still shocked. He must have looked pale. He goes straight into the kitchen where Robert had just been trying to clean himself up.

“What’s happened to you” asks Robert.

“I could say the same thing.”

“Oh just a bit of a scrap with some loudmouth. It’s nothing” said Robert dismissively but then looks closer at Lawrence. “You look as though you’ve had a shock. God, it’s not Chrissie is it. Has something happened to her?”

“No, nothing like that. I’ve had a bit of an accident.”

“Oh Lawrence. Sit down. I’ll get you a drink” then, thinking for a moment, “or maybe you shouldn’t just yet.”

“No that’s all right. I was breathalysed at the scene. The police say it wasn’t my fault. Someone just ran into me.”

“What were they driving?”

“No, literally ran into me. I’m afraid it was that Aaron lad from the pub. Your business partner.”

Robert froze and barely gets out coherently “Is he hurt?”

“Yes, it looked bad. There was a lot of blood. He seemed to be unconscious but then started talking before the ambulance arrived and kept saying he was ok but to be honest I’m not sure he was fully all there at that precise moment, if you know what I mean. He’s been taken to hospital.”

“So ... so, how is he?”

“I don’t know. Maybe I should go back down to the pub and find out.”

“No, its better I go. You know what that family’s like. Half of them think with their fists first. You might just inflame things.” Lawrence just nods. “If you’re sure you’re ok, I’ll go now.”

“Yes I’m fine. Actually, I might just go and have a lie down.”

“Good idea. I’ll ring if there’s any news. I wouldn’t say anything to Chrissie if she calls. No point in worrying her at this stage.”

“No, you’re right, I won’t. Thanks Robert.”

 

Robert drives the short distance to the village at nightmare speed.

Bursting into the pub, Diane is behind the bar. Shocked at his appearance, she asks “What’s happened to you?”

“Oh that’s nothing. How’s Aaron?”

“Oh you’ve heard. Well I don’t know but Chas has gone to the hospital with Victoria and they haven’t rung yet. But how did you know?

“It was Lawrence. He says that Aaron just ran into him.”

“Oh Robert, no” then, as a second thought, “Is Lawrence okay?”

“Well he’s shook up but obviously worried about Aaron as I am ... well, we all are.”

The phone rings in the bar. “Hang on, this might be news.”

Robert can’t hear what’s being said but the call finishes quickly.

“Apparently he’s cut and bruised but won’t stay in hospital, so Chas is bringing him home now.”

Robert steadies himself.

“Are you ok pet?” Diane looks concerned “Maybe you’d better let Lawrence know.”

“Yea I’ll go now.”

 

Chas and Victoria bring Aaron in the back way, although he insists he’s fine and doesn’t need any help. Victoria goes straight back to the kitchen.

“Now I’m not going to stand for any argument Aaron” insists Chas “We’re going to get you cleaned up then it’s bed. You need rest.”

“Mum, I’m not twelve.”

“Well it’s about time you started behaving like it.”

“Ok. Ok. I’ll have a shower and I’m tired anyway.”

“I’ll bring you something up in a little bit.”

“Mum, don’t fuss.”

Aaron went to run upstairs but could hardly walk and slowly made his way up step by step.

Chas looked on concerned. “Will I help you?”

“Mum”

“All right, all right”

 

Arriving back again at Home Farm Robert assures Lawrence it’s not so bad as Aaron is already on his way home.

“Do you think I should go and see him?” an obviously relieved Lawrence asks.

“No, I think it best to let the dust settle first. I’ll find out how the land lies later.”

 

Aaron, now washed and freshened but aching everywhere lies on his bed. How has he got to this? Suddenly his phone goes. It’s a text:

Aaron we need to talk. Can I come down now? R

 

Robert can see it’s been received but there’s no reply. He waits five minutes, then can’t stand it any longer. He tries again. Just two words:

Please Aaron

 

Aaron ignores it again but Robert is not going to be brushed off that easily anymore. He has to speak to Aaron. He has to know he’s ok:

If you don’t reply I’m coming right now

 

That got a response, even if it wasn’t the one he wanted:

Stay away or you’ll get the same again

 

For the next couple of days Aaron hardly comes out of his room except to eat. He won’t talk to Chas. Eventually he starts staying downstairs a bit longer. Paddy catches him at one point and sits down next to him on the sofa.

Aaron knows what’s coming. “Paddy, I know you want to help but you can’t.”

“That’s okay.  Just thought I’d have a sit down. You don’t mind do you” Aaron rolls his eyes.

Paddy waits for a while then continues “Aaron, I know you’ve still got feelings for Robert but you know it can’t work.” Aaron says nothing. Paddy continues “I know it hurts and it’s not going to go away any time soon, but it will eventually.”

Aaron doesn’t want to talk about it but he knows Paddy is only trying to help, so he says softly “Paddy I know you mean well but you don’t understand. Maybe I don’t want it to go away.”

“And I know you don’t want to hear this but one day you will meet someone who deserves you. It probably isn’t going to happen anytime soon because you’re not ready now but it will. I promise you.”

Aaron stares ahead. He’s filling up again. “I met the only person I want to be with and that’s what’s not going to happen.”

“You know Aaron, your mum said something to me and promised me not to tell you but I think its one thing she can probably understand better than me.”

Aaron turns to look at Paddy, somewhat expectantly.

“She said that she actually knows exactly how it is because ‘we all like the bad boys’.”

Aaron actually laughs as it sinks in, looking at Paddy, he says “Well I don’t know what that says about you.”

“Yes, well, it didn’t quite seem quite the right moment to pursue that with her.”

“You were the exception Paddy.”

The ice broken, Paddy and Aaron start talking about other things. Paddy is pleased to actually see something resembling a smile on Aaron’s face and thinks it best to leave any more ‘father/son’ chat there for now. They’ll hopefully be other opportunities and he doesn’t want Aaron to close up again now.

 

Another two days go by but Chas doesn’t get more than a few grunts out of her son. She’s pleased that at least he said something to Paddy, although Paddy says he thinks there’s a lot more to it. It’s clear that he definitely won’t really be opening up to either of them, certainly not any time soon.

 

Chas was crossing over to Debbie when she sees Robert’s coming out of the café. On the spur of the moment she goes over to him.

“Robert, just a minute.”

“Chas, I don’t want to argue with you. I haven’t been near him.”

“I know. Look, I never thought I’d say this but…” she hesitates “... I don’t know…”

“What’s happened now?”

“Nothing. That’s the problem. I can’t get through to him, Paddy can’t get through to him and … I'm not sure, I must be completely mad but … well … maybe you can.”

“What?”

“Would you just go and try talking to him. I think he obviously still cares about you. Can’t you at least try and just be friends with him? Is that really too much to ask?”

“No Chas, it’s not. We are still in the scarp business but I though it better to let them get on with it and so stayed out of way.”

“Look Aaron’s a good lad who’s had more than his share of grief and some of its been caused by you but he won’t speak to me and it’s getting worse. Would you at least try? Please?”

“Chas he doesn’t want to speak to me.”

“I know I warned you to stay away. I thought I was doing what’s best for him”

Robert shrugs his shoulders.

Chas is looking more closely at him than she usually does. “Oh no, don’t tell me he did that to you.”

“No of course he didn’t. It was nothing to do with him.”

Chas looked relieved.

Robert, somewhat reluctantly agrees, “Ok I’ll try. I do care about him. I know what you think but it really wasn’t meant to happen like this. Have you never made a mistake?”

“Oh, so my son’s a mistake is he?

“No he’s not. I mean I never meant to hurt him. If only things had been different. Have you never wished things could be different, Chas?”

“Yes, well we’ve all been there which is why I’m actually asking you to try and help him now. If he ever meant anything to you he needs someone to talk to now and I can’t get a word out of him.”

“Ok I’ll try.”

 

Robert goes straight over to the pub. Diane’s behind the bar.

“Hello pet.”

“Chas wants me to have a word with Aaron.”

Diane raises her eyebrows then sighs, “Go through then” adding as he gets around the bar “Good luck.”

 

Robert walks into the living room. Aaron is lying on the sofa watching tv. He doesn’t look up. Robert closes the door but doesn’t say anything. Eventually, curiosity gets to Aaron and he pulls himself up and looks round.

“Who let you in? I told you leave me alone.”

“Actually your mum asked me to come.”

“What?”

“She’s worried about you and she seems to think I am the one person who’ll get through to you.”

Aaron sits up “Are you serious? Me mum actually asked you to come here? I thought she was ready to kill you”

“So did I. Anyway, I’m here now so are you going to give me a hug or knock me down again?”

“I’m not doing anything” said Aaron still trying to take it all in. “So what else did she say and when were you having this cosy chat?”

“Not much else and it was just now. She asked if you did this to me.”

The couldn’t-care-less attitude suddenly changes and there is a trace of panic in Aaron’s voice “What did you say?”

“I said you beat me senseless”

Aaron screws up his face. “You want me locked up as well as the rest then? You know that’s what’ll happen.”

“Of course I didn’t. I’ll never tell anyone, I swear Aaron. Whatever you think of me, surely you know me well enough to believe that.”

Aaron gets up. They stand facing each other a few metres apart.

“I know you wouldn’t.” He pauses the slowly “Look … I’m sorry.”

“Aaron, I’m sorry too.”

Robert tentatively moves forward. He’s right in front of Aaron. He raises his hand to Aaron’s face but Aaron brushes him away and steps back.

“No nothing’s changed. I told you it was over”

“Aaron”

“No don’t. I should bloody well hate you but the thing is …” tears fill his eyes and he’s almost choking “… the thing is I still feel the same about you and it’s doing my head in”

“Aaron, Aaron.”

“No, you just wanted me to keep quiet. Well we’re quits now, so you can go and get on with you lovely little life.”

“Mutual destruction?”

Aaron says nothing but just turns and sits down again with his back to Robert.

“Aaron I do care about you.”

“You care about whether I’m going to ruin your perfect set up.”

“No Aaron.” Robert moves round in front of him and crouches down. “You’re not the only who can look after himself. Do you honestly think I would have let anyone else in the world get away with what you did to me and not at least try and give you the same back. I told you I don’t like physical violence but that doesn’t mean I can’t take care of myself. I never touched you Aaron.”

Saying nothing, Robert again tentatively raises his arms under Aaron’s and gently, so gently, holds him. Aaron is sitting motionless for a moment. Robert is now kneeling in front of him. Then slowly Aaron also moves his arms they hug closely. They don’t kiss, rather burying their heads in the others neck they each close their eyes as they start to fill up. They say nothing just holding each other, lost in each other.

“Help me Robert, please help me”

Robert strokes his hair. “It’s going to be all right. I’m here for you”

 

“Hi Alicia I have to see Aaron. Ok if I go through.” Adam breezes into the bar.

“Oh, well I don’t know love. Chas said he doesn’t want to see anyone.”

“I know but if he doesn’t sign this today we’re in big trouble” he says waving a piece of paper. “I’ll only be a minute.”

“Oh ok then but be quick. Chas will be back soon and Diane’s only down in the cellar.”

Adam goes through to the back and opens the door. He freezes for a moment at the scene before him. “Oh sorry mate” and turns to go out again.

“Fuck” Aaron pushes Robert away but doesn’t turn his tear stained face around towards his best mate.

Robert is thinking more quickly, he jumps up “Adam wait” at the same time moving between Adam and the door, which he quickly closes. “This isn’t what it seems.”

“Oh pleeese. Give me some credit. Look mate” ignoring Robert completely he turns to Aaron, who still hasn’t turned round, “I just need you to sign this for the council then I’m outta here.” He pulls pen out of his jacket and thrusts both around Aaron to his front. Aaron signs where Adam points without saying anything and still not turning back.

“Adam” says Robert “whatever you think you saw you cannot say anything to anyone.”

“Listen you” tapping Robert on the chest with the pen, “Aaron is my best mate. I’d do anything for him and I know he’s being going through a bad time lately. If you’re the cause of it I suppose it all makes sense now.”

Walking in front of his friend he says “Aaron mate, you know I wouldn’t judge you. You know I’ve done things and you’ve been there for me. You know even _I’ve_ had an affair with a married woman.” Aaron turns round and looks Robert up and down and then a smirk appears on his face. Even Robert smiles but says nothing. “I’m never going to judge you, you know that.” Adam starts to walk towards the door “Listen, you guys obviously need to sort yourselves out and I’m going. I’ll not say anything to anyone and don’t worry about the business, I’ve been managing on my own up until now, so a few more days won’t make much difference.”

Adam gets to the door where Robert is still standing and has a parting shot before he goes out, “You hurt him and you’ll have me to deal with.”

Robert resists any smart answer but over Adam’s shoulder can see Aaron has turned and rolls his eyes. With that Adam is gone.

Robert shuts the door. “Well, you’re lucky to have a friend like him.”

“I know. He won’t say anything.”

“He’s right though.”

“How?”

“We need to sort this out.”

“We have. You’ve made your choice. I said I was sorry for what I did you but that doesn’t mean that you come crawling back anytime you feel you need sex with a man.”

“Aaron Aaron. It’s long passed that. I can and will help you. Look, let’s get out of here.”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“I mean right away. No strings. No sex, unless you want to.”

“I don’t and I won’t with you.”

That’s a cut to the chase that really stings, but Robert continues “Ok, but just a break away from here and I can explain things better.”

“You’ve already said it all.”

The door opens again and Chas walks in.

“You two alright then?”

“Mum”

“Ok ok, just checking” she shuts the door again

Neither of them says anything, utter silence between them.

Finally Aaron takes a deep breath and says “So what did you mean ‘get away’?”

“Throw something in a bag and I’ll be back to pick you up in thirty minutes.”

“I must be bloody mad.”

“No, you’re a beautiful person Aaron.” and with that Robert is gone.

 

Within an hour they are driving through the stunning Yorkshire Dales.

Neither of them have really said anything much until Robert explains, “Were going for a weekend retreat where you can do as much or as little as you like. We’ve got a double suite because I want us to be together and I want to be there if, and only if, you want to talk but that doesn’t mean I expect anything and if you don’t even want me in the same bed, a suite will have a sofa I can crash on.

“Well since you’re paying, and I guess it isn’t cheap, I think you can at least _sleep_ in a bed.” For a moment Aaron seems to be something resembling his old self. It breaks the ice anyway but Robert knows he must tread carefully and not expect anything or push it too far.

“There’s swimming, golf, all sorts. Huge grounds to walk in” he turns to Aaron “or even run if you want.” he continues to extol the virtues of their break away together, without the emphasis on 'we'.

 

The hotel is a large country house. They have something to eat in the bar and agree they’ll freshen up before deciding what they want to do that evening.

Robert makes a point of showering and changing in the bathroom with the door almost, but not quite, closed. When he comes out fresh and partially dressed, they swap over. Aaron completely closes the door but, Robert notes, doesn’t lock it. Robert lies on the bed keeping clearly to the far side.

Eventually Aaron comes out in his pants and a t-shirt, looking like a scrubbed baby. Robert’s heart skips a beat. It takes him back for a moment to that first hotel but he quickly checks himself. “So, feeling a bit fresher?”

It’s like the shower has washed away the anger. Aaron is almost a different person. “Yea, feel much better now.” His voice is soft and gentle. ‘Sensuous’, Robert dares to let himself think.

Aaron lies down next to him on the bed.

“So, what do you fancy doing now?

“I’m in no rush. Are you?”

Robert lets his hopes race, but doesn’t say anything except “No, I’m easy.”

“I know that” smirks Aaron. The ice is broken. He half turns and kisses Robert on the lips. As Robert dares to let himself respond, Aaron falls back, pulling Robert with him.

This was different from anything before. In the garage, in the barn, even that time in the hotel, there was always an urgency, whether because Robert always had to get back or just, well just lust. However, this was different, this was gentle, this was loving, like there was all the time in the world. Nothing rushed, nothing frantic. This wasn’t sex. It really was making love.

 

They are side by side. Robert lays on his back, Aaron’s head on his chest, Robert’s arm around his shoulder.

They said nothing. Just listening to each other breath subside to be more and more calm.

Several minutes passed before Robert said “Can I ask you something?”

“I think so” Aaron turns rolls his eyes.

“You took your t-shirt off.”

Aaron turns fully on his back staring at the ceiling but with Robert’s arm still around him and his own on Robert’s chest. “You’re not blind then.”

“I just wondered why?” with no immediate response he continues “I mean you showed me the scars from the start. It’s part of you. I don’t have any problem.”

“That’s good then. Nor have I. I told you, I had therapy.”

“But you always left it on when we …”

“Had sex?”

“Do you always?”

“No.”

“Oh?” says Robert, kind of disappointed.

“I think some lads seem to find it some kind of turn on.” Then quickly looking to face him he quickly adds “Not that there been that many.”

“See you as a bit of rough?” says Robert looking at him with half a grin.

“Whatever” Aaron turns back staring at the ceiling.

“So why not with me?”

“Because” Aaron pauses “You know we ... that you … well with you it’s always different. I told you, no one else.”

Robert looks straight into his eyes, nods, but says nothing.

“So I guess with you I felt kinda vulnerable.”

“Ok” Robert barely whispers, wanting to Aaron to continue and not wanting to say the wrong thing.

“But this time … this time I wanted that. The scars are part of me. You got … you got all of me and I wanted that.”

“Literally stripped bare.”

Aaron immediately turns and sits up on his elbow, a streak on anger in his voice “You’re laughing at me and I’m being completely honest with you here.”

Robert pushes him back down, leaving over him, holding both his hands in his own “Aaron, Aaron, I love you.”

They just look at each other for a moment.

“You didn’t mean to say that, did you?”

“I didn’t but it’s true.”

They separate and again lay side by side but still holding one another. Eventually Aaron says “So what happens now?”

“There’s a spa here.”

“You what?”

“You know a spa, sauna Turkish baths, massages.”

“Are you kidding me?”

“No look there’s a book about it on that table over there.”

“Hang on a minute” Aaron has now sat right up on the bed.

“No Aaron, not that sort of massage. A proper professional one and don’t worry about your chest. They see boxers who’ve been in fights, soldiers that have been in wars an all sorts.”

Aaron gets up, he’s now kneeling on the bed next to the man that has just said what he’d only dreamed of “Stop there. Did you actually mean any of that or did it just slip out?”

Robert burst out laughing. Aaron is trying to stay serious but can’t help it. “Stop it. I asked you a serious question”.

Eventually Robert sits up. “Yes. It’s all good. Of course I did mean it but listen, I’ve got something to tell you before we go any further.”

“Chrissie?”

“No. Well yes and I am going to sort that out but I will be completely honest with you, I can’t do it immediately. I know you didn’t want me to get married but I am now.” he paused and gently kisses Aaron’s lips, then looking Aaron straight in the eyes. “I love you Aaron and I’m going to make it right however long it takes. But there is something else.”

Aaron sighs “What?”

Robert gets off the bed and moves to a chair, which he draws up next to the side of the bed where Aaron is laying.

Aaron sits up again “You’re worrying me now.”

Robert takes Aaron’s hand “Promise me one thing?”

“What?”

“You’ll hear me out and let me finish what I have to say first, even if you then never want to see me again.”

Aaron stares at Robert for a moment, then weakly asks “Chrissie’s pregnant?”

“God no, nothing like that.”

Aaron screws up his face “So what it is then?”

“You remember when I called you back to the farm on my ... on that day?”

Aaron nods, looking intently at Robert.

“I told you I had found Katie.”

“Yea.”

“Well that wasn’t quite how it happened.”

“What do you mean?”

“Now you said you’d hear me out.”

Aaron just nodded again, not knowing what was coming next.

“After you stormed off, we continued arguing and she went to go. I was trying to persuade her to listen to reason. There was a slight struggle. Either of us could have fallen but in the end it was her. The thing is, she fell in the wrong place and just went through the floor.”

Aaron started to speak but Robert gripped his hand tight and continued “Let me finish. She just fell where she did. It could have been me. I ran downstairs immediately and obviously went to help her but it was clear that she had died instantly. It was a million to one chance. It could have been me Aaron. I didn’t mean it to happen. I didn’t kill her. It was an accident. You’ve got to believe me. I didn’t know what to do. I called you because you were the only person in the world I trusted.”

“The only mug” said Aaron getting off the bed and grabbing whatever of his clothes were nearest.

“Aaron please you have to believe me it was an accident, a terrible accident. There was nothing I could do.”

“But you could involve me. Make me feel it as if was all my fault.”

Robert gets up. He’s standing naked in front of Aaron, who looks away with contempt.

“Were you ever going to tell me the truth?”

“Yes. Yes, of course but I was scared.”

“Scared? Scared?” his voice breaking “What do you think I’ve been going through.”

“I was scared I lose everything. Yes I’m being honest, scared I lose Chrissie and all that but also that I’d lose _you_. Scared that everything we had would be gone. I wasn’t thinking straight. It all then just became one thing on top of another.”

Aaron picked up the rest of his clothes then, standing with them in his hand, faced Robert. They are both staring at each other naked. In any other situation it would be farcical. Suddenly Aaron drops what he’s holding and clenches his fists letting out a roar. Robert moves toward him but Aaron doesn’t lash out. Instead he raises his fists behind his head and the roar turns to tears. Robert grabs him and hold him in the tightest ever grip. “Yes, yes, Aaron that’s it lets it out.”

“Get off me.”

“No Aaron I’m not going anywhere.” Aaron’s elbows are pressed against his chest as Robert continues to hold him tight, his arms right around his lover’s body.

“What have you done to me” Aaron eventually says, choking on his very words.

Robert loosens his grip and Aaron turns and runs for the bathroom, again grabbing what he can of the pile of his clothes he dropped. Roberts realises what he’s doing and runs after him but it’s too late. He hears the door locking.

Aaron leans against the door crying uncontrollably. He slides down, sitting on the floor.

Robert is putting his pants and trousers back on as quickly as possible and at the same time begging Aaron to just open the door. He’s never been so frightened. “Aaron” he says as softly as he can, but loud enough that he can be heard through the barrier between them, “Aaron, please open the door”.

He waits to see if there’s any response but there’s nothing. He tries again “Please Aaron, can we just talk?”

Again there is no response.

It seems like an eternity. Then Robert hears the sound of running water. He doesn’t know what to think. He’s frightened, really frightened. “Aaron, please open the door. I’ll do whatever you want. I’ll go and never speak to you again. I’ll move away. I’ll leave the village today and you never need lay eyes on me again. Please Aaron, I love you.” His voice crackles with his tears “I love you Aaron”. It almost fades away.

Still nothing. No response form inside but water, water flowing.

Robert is now almost beside himself. Worry, hurt, anger, shame, love, everything explodes in him. He bangs on the door like a thing possessed. “Aaron open this door now”. He keeps banging. No response. “Aaron I’m going to break the door down, you’d better stand back.”

It works, Aaron opens the door. Now in a towel robe he looks at Robert, in a crumpled heap in front of the door. “Get up. You’re pathetic. What did you think I was gonna do? Top myself? Give you the satisfaction?”

“Oh Aaron, I’ve never been so frightened”

“Frightened for yourself?” Aaron asks sarcastically.

“Frightened I lose the one person I know I love with all my heart.” Robert pulls himself into a ball hugging his knees. “Yes I’m pathetic. I’m a coward. I’m everything you want to call me. However much you despise me it can’t be more than I do myself. I wanted you Aaron. I wanted you from the first time I walked away at the lay-by. I was a coward then and I am now. I wanted to be with you and I thought about you all the time. I was pathetic to go ahead marry Chrissie. It’s not her fault. I’ve hurt her. I’ve hurt you. If you walk away now, I won’t feel any different in ten year’s time. I’ll never feel any different. I know I don’t deserve you but please give me another chance. I promise you if we are together there’s nothing we can’t overcome.” He stops and buries his head in his knees, shivering.

Aaron says nothing but walks past him and sits on the bed.

The silence is almost unbearable. Neither wants to be the first to speak. Eventually Aaron gets back up and walks to the bathroom. Robert opens his eyes just enough to see what’s happening but doesn’t move. He closes them again. Aaron comes out again with the other robe in his hand and drapes it around Robert’s shoulders, then walks back and sits on the bed.

Still neither of them say anything. Minutes pass. Eventually Aaron breaks “So what film have you been watching?”

Robert turns to face the bed but just looks confused.

“Where did all that stuff come from?” says Aaron, not as coldly as had he wanted it to sound.

Robert takes this as a cue. He slowly rises and puts on the dressing gown. He moves to the bed but doesn’t dare sit on it, rather he stands right in front of Aaron. Much as he wants to touch him he resists. He just looks at him and says “You’re the love of my life Aaron. Just tell me I haven’t left it too late to realise it.”

“It’s a bloody mess Robert.” His voice was softer but Robert still wasn’t sure. “Of course I love you. I told you didn’t I?” Aaron stands up “I’d even wait for you to sort things out so other people don’t get hurt. Well I suppose hurt as little as possible.” He stares straight into Robert’s eyes “As long as I know that you’re telling me the truth now”.

Robert just nods but otherwise doesn’t move.

“I told you not to take me for a mug, so if there is anything else you better tell me now. I mean it. This is your last chance.”

Robert slowly stands not taking his eyes off Aaron’s. “I swear on my life …”

“No. No. Don’t give me all that stuff again. Just tell me yes or no. Is there any other dark secret you haven’t told me?”

Still staring straight at him, Robert says. “No there is nothing else. You know everything about me now.”

“I better had” Aaron moves his head slightly back “or we really are finished.”

For someone so usually in control it actually takes Robert a few moments to realise exactly what Aaron has said. Still standing facing each other, it’s Aaron that makes the first move. He gently kisses the top of Robert’s head.

Love had turned to anger, which had turned to relief, which had turned back to love or maybe something more primitive. It was obvious what was going to happen next.

 

This wasn’t the end. Their journey would still be hard. There were other people involved. However, it did at least seem that, through it all, there would be a future for them together. It was mean to be.

 


End file.
